It is Christmas night and it has been a wonderful day.

One of the blessings of being an empty nester is being able to sleep in on Christmas morning. Another great blessing is having all the kids and grandkids home for Christmas every other year... but this wasn't the year! (Dang!) However, it was an enjoyable day none-the-less.

My sweet husband surprised me with a trip to Italy for Christmas! We are leaving on May 10th and will be gone for 10 days! We are going to Rome, Perusia, (some other city I can't remember) Florence and Venice. I couldn't be more excited! I have wanted to go to Italy for as long as I can remember. Our daughter-in-law, Kelly made all the arrangements; plane and train tickets, hotel reservations, everything! (Thanks Kelly!) Did I mention how excited I am!

Aside from my wonderful Italy surprise we had a nice dinner with Jim Carroll and his new wife, Mary. It was really nice to get to know her a little better.

I did really miss all the kids and grandbabies this year, though. I have already started the countdown to next Christmas when they will all be home! I can hardly wait!

Tomorrow starts my workouts and dieting again. This house is chalk-full of wonderful (bad) things to eat and I have endulged waaaayyyy more than I should have. Monday we are going to California for a week to relax in the sunshine and warmer weather. It should make it easier to be away from all the holiday treats!

Thanks to all my sweet family and friends who made Christmas wonderful. I love you all!

Wow! I haven't updated this blog in months! So much has happened, I'm not sure where to start.

Angie and Brent were married on October 10th. They make an adorable couple. We are so blessed to have Brent in the family and we are thrilled Angie found a great guy.

Kami and Steve found out they are expecting a boy! He will be born in April and we are so excited to add another grandbaby to the list. Miss Malia Shea just turned four and is excited to have a baby brother

Little Noah Kenyon Graff was born to Jon and Bonnie on October 1st. Ella makes the best big sister! How can we be so lucky to have such adorable grandkids!

All the kids were able to come home for Thanksgiving and we had such a fabulous time! We helped out Grandma Graff with some things, toasted marshmellows over a fire in the canyon, put up a Christmas tree, shopped, ate, played games and laughed. We are so blessed to have such a wonderful family!

That is a brief update. If I can remember how...I will add a few pictures.

I don't write near as often as I should. I just can't imagine that anyone is interested in reading what I have to say. The only people who even know I have a blog are my children and I talk to them several times a day so, it seems rather pointless. But, nevertheless, here goes....

Today was my niece Sherry's husband's funeral. He was a year younger than I am and that is way too young to die. He had been sick for awhile but still, that is way too young to die. He was a very quiet man who loved his family very much. I guess in the big scheme of things that is all that really matters.

Anyway things like funerals, (which we have had a lot of, lately) always get me to thinking about my own mortality. Am I ready to die if I should get hit by a bus tomorrow? No one is really ever 'ready' to die, but by that I mean am I right with all the people I love? Do they know how I feel about them? Am I truly trying to improve on the person I was yesterday and working to be even better tomorrow? Do my children know how I feel about the "important things" in life? Have I taught them what is important? Have I spent my time here on earth, wisely or have I wasted time on frivolous things?

More than my own mortality I think about Jim or one of my children or grandchilden dieing. Could I get through that? My mind can't even go there....

There are too many things I haven't done yet, to die. I want to read all the good books there are to read; I want to see my grandchildren all grow up and I want to be important in their lives; I want to go to Italy and to Ireland and Tahiti and Africa; I want to scuba dive, I want to run five miles without stopping (or passing out); I want to go sailing with Jim, Yes, I want to skydive! I want to write a book, give a seminar, market an invention and be on Oprah, (for whatever it is I did, not because I admire Oprah!) Anyway, the list goes on and on....

So, I ask myself, "What did you do today to move a step closer to a goal?" And I have to say, "Nothing!" Why is that? We realize our time here is short and we could die at any time but we don't seem to get to the things we really want to do because "everyday life" gets in the way. That is the challenge.

That's enough profound thinking for one night.

OK, so my daughter has made me feel guilty for not updating my blog. No one but her looks at it anyway so it really isn't that big of a deal, right? But nevertheless, I should keep it more current so my kids know that I do have a life - albeit an uneventful one.

So yesterday Jim took Cheryl and I fishing on Deer Creek. We really did have a good time but fishing isn't my thing so I am happy to only do it a couple of times a year. We caught ten but 'landed' seven. Which ever one of us caught the fish, the other one would grab the net. "Nice fish." "Nice net." Became our montra...unless of course we lost the fish and in that case we said, "Dang!" (That's it, nothing more.)

Aaron came down for a visit and I love having him here. He Ryan and Jon can make me laugh just while they are having a conversation. Aaron can be pretty blunt (does that run in our family) and he calls things the way they are no matter who is around. Thanks Lawlers for loving our family anyway!

Anyway, it has been a great weekend! Gosh I love my family!

I am feeling very frustrated and a little down, tonight. Jim left to drive back to California at 2:30 this morning. I didn't even know he was gone until 4:00 AM when the alarm went off at the time he was supposed to get up. But, he said he couldn't sleep and he might as well get on the road. Apparently I was sleeping so soundly (translate: snoring) that he didn't want to wake me.

It has left me feeling a little weird all day. I didn't get to say good-by and it is still making me sad.

Yes, I get the hidden message and that is probably what is bothering me, too. What if something was to happen to him and I didn't get to say good-by? Would I always feel a little sad, even years later? Is that why we are always told to live each day as if it were your last because you never know...it might be.

Anyway, he made it safely to California, but he too, is feeling down. Something is messed up and I can't put my finger on it. I'm going to have to think on this awhile.

Love you Jimmy.

Our Busy Lives

Our lives are so full and busy it is hard to keep up with it all! I was just recouperating from having my sister pass away when I had to begin preparing for Trek. It was a great experience but one of the hardest things I have ever done. Let's just say I don't want to do it again, anytime soon.

We were only home from Trek one day when received a phone message that Jim's dad was not doing very well. He has had health problems for a long time but this was a new development. The long story short is...he had to have emergency surgery to repair a piece of dead intestine and his poor body and heart just couldn't take it any more. He passed away on Monday afternoon.

It has been a busy week with funeral preparations and out of state family members, but it has also been a wonderful week. We have had a chance to reflect on Grandpa's life. We have looked through pictures and and sorted through some of his things. We put together a display at the funeral that I hope, depicted who he was.

The funeral was wonderful. Jim and Emarene, his sister, did a wonderful job on their talks and Mel's family sang two beautiful numbers. He was buried with full military honors because of his valiant service during World War II. He will be greatly missed.

We just said goodby to the last of our family members who gathered for the funeral. Although the occasion was somber we had such a good time together. I always love it when my whole family is together! How blessed Jim and I are to have such great kids and wonderful grandkids.

Life is hard, but life is good. Those who do not know the purpose of life and our reasons for being here, (and what happens when we die) really are at a disadvantage and have a much more difficult life. We are so blessed.

Things are good at this very moment and I need to stop and recognize that. All my family is enjoying good health, we have two adorable granddaughters and a grandson on the way, Ryan got a new job, our only debt is our home and car, we live in a beautiful place with wonderful friends and family close by, we enjoy our jobs, (for the most part, and are lucky to have jobs!), and we have the blessings of the gospel in our lives. How blessed and lucky are we?

Sometimes I wonder 'why' when there are so many who struggle in the world just to get enough to eat in a day. I heard that if we own a pair of shoes we are in the top 2% of the earth's population. Shoes. I have boxes of shoes, clothes, a nice home, a car, a computer, cell phone, and iPod, not to mention a refrigerator, a stove I don't have to lite with a match and wood, and indoor plumbing.

My heart is full of gratitude for all my many blessings.

Mother's Days are not what they used to be. The backyard bar-b-ques have been replaced with a trip to the cemetary. I really miss my mom. And, although that part is hard, the part about me being a mother myself, is great! Here is a very rare picture of Ryan and me. It made my day! (That, and phone calls from all my other children!)

I received the following in a Mother's Day e-mail and thought I would share it here because it is exactly how I feel.

When You're the Mom of a Mother
By Beverly Beckham and Grandparents.com

When my older daughter became a mother nearly six years ago, I became a grandmother with a brand-new baby to love. But I also became a different kind of mother to my baby. I was useful again. I knew things. I understood. And the most important thing I understood was how much my daughter loved her child.

Ten months later, my younger daughter gave birth to her firstborn. "Did you feel this way, Mom? Isn't it amazing? I never knew. Was I as cute?"

Motherhood, part two. That's what grandparenting really is. Your kids grow up, go off to school, move away. And they don't need you anymore. They don't call for advice. And you think, you're done. That's it. The job is finished.

And then your kids become parents and you're suddenly back in the game. "Mom, can you?" "Dad, will you?"

When a child is placed in a woman's arms — in a hospital, at an airport, in a lawyer's office, and whether the child is a newborn or a 10-year-old — a woman's life changes forever.

And so does the life of her mother.

I watch my daughters wipe noses and hands, buckle car seats, peel grapes, insist upon "please" and "thank you," wipe up spills, dry tears, read books, blow bubbles, monitor the TV, play games, and work outside their homes. And I am struck by the rigors of mothering — how hard it is and tiring and endless, and how amazing it is that anyone signs up for this job.

And then I think, this was once my job. I did all this. "How did you do it, Mom?" my daughters ask. And they listen to my answer because I've been down the road they're on now and they realize that maybe I know a few things they have yet to learn.

The mother-child connection. It changes. It evolves. It grows.

In the space between us now there is still no space. It is filled with children — theirs, but part mine. And on it goes. Mother to mother to child, this eternal bond that is recognized and honored on Mother's Day.

I am so proud of Jonathan! He is finally finished! He graduated from UVU on Friday, May 1st with a Bachalor's degree in Biology and a minor in Chemistry! Way to go Jon!

They had a really nice graduation ceremony and of course, I got all tiery-eyed thinking about what a long, hard road it was for him. Now we are all wondering what's next for Jon.

Ryan, Aaron and Kelly came from Idaho for the festivities but Kami, Steve and Angie were not able to make it. We had a bar-b-que here at the house today, with the family and some of Jon and Bonnie's friends. It was awesome inspite of the rain! Their friend Larry cooked some killer ribs and we had hamburgers and all the sides. We had a great time!

Of course Ella was the star of the show no matter what we might have been celebrating. She is so adorable and funny and we all just get a kick out of her.

After the bar-b-que, Kelly and I went shopping at Tia Pan and Ikea. We had a great time! We are very similar in many ways and I really enjoy the time I spend with her. Bonnie would have joined us but she had to work tonight so she needed a nap. (And their friends were still here.) I am so blessed to have two daughters-in-law that I adore! They are each perfect for the son they married. (I also have a great son-in-law, too who I feel the same way about, too.)

Anyway...Jon just know that we recognize what a sacrafice it was for you to finish your degree. We know you will be blessed for doing it and we wish you wonderful blessings for you and your precious family! Congratulations to you, Bonnie and Ella! We love all of you!

It certainly is time I updated my blog. I am way behind.

Kami and Steve were planning a trip to California to take Malia to Disneyland and Sea World. I sort of invited myself since they would be staying at the condo and Jim would already be there. I just didn't want to miss out on the fun! And we did have fun! We had a great time in Disneyland for two days. But....

I also received a phone call from my brother-in-law, telling me my sister Gwen, had passed away. I couldn't believe it. Gwen has had breast cancer for a couple of years and it had matastisized (?) but still, the doctors had given her several more good years of life. But, it was complications caused by the radiation that caused her to get weaker and weaker and finally to just quit breathing and go to sleep. It was a shock to all of us but especially to her dear husband.

Without going into a lot of details I'll just say it was a very difficult weekend for me. The daffodils in her yard were so beautiful the week she died; yellow flowers everywhere! Always and forever yellow daffodils will remind me of Gwen, so I have decided to plant the hillside that faces my backyard, in daffodils. Every spring I will be able to look at a whole hillside of yellow and I will always remember my sweet sister. She was the kindest, sweetest, most gracious and generous person who ever lived and I will miss her terribly.

I love you Gwen.

Too Fast of a Weekend!

I can't believe how quickly time flies by! Jim has been in California for two weeks and finally was able to come home last Thursday night. We had a great weekend, but it went by way too fast! I think that is because we try to get everything done while he is here.

Before I picked him up on Thursday night, I went to Ella's second birthday party. What a sweet, smart and fun little girl! She was so excited about her "Tinkerbell" party and Bonnie really outdid herself on the food. We are such lucky grandparents! Happy Birthday Ella!

Anyway...back to our short weekend. We got a fridge and moved it in, after moving the old fridge out. Both were too big to fit through the doorways so we had to remove the doors from both fridges. The whole thing was a big hassle and I'm glad it's done!

We both also had to teach on Sunday; Jim the Priests Quorum and me the Laurels in YW. Finishing preparations took most of Saturday evening as Jim has a new printer and we couldn't get our computers to recognize it. We were supposed to go out to dinner for my birthday, since he will be out of town on the actual day, but that didn't happen. We just had too much to do!

Monday night we had a fireside at our home for one of the BYU wards. We really enjoy having all the young people around. They are such good, good kids and really make us feel proud of what our religion stands for. These kids are valiant! Anyway, Jim was the speaker so he also had to prepare for that this weekend, too.

This morning at 6:15 I had to take Jim back to the airport and he flew back to California. I really miss him when he is gone. It is so lonely in this big house by myself. However, this week I will have a guest. Our good friends, Bill and Robbie Lawler are having a daughter get married this week. Their house is full of guests so we are hosting a friend of Robbie's from Atlanta for the week. She should be here tomorrow.

Anyway...that's it, that's all. Absolutely nothing riviting going on in my life! Dang!

A Pretty Good Thursday...

It seems I am going, going, going, all the time! But tonight I had no where I had to go and I have loved it! Even being here alone has been good because I was able to do all the things I needed to get done that normally bug Jim. Like updating my playlists on my iPod and updating this blog. He thinks it is all stupid, and I somewhat agree, but I'm doing it anyway.

I got a lot of other odds and ends handled, too. I bought long overdue wedding gifts, bought ribbon to hang a picture from, and decided I am going to make a rag quilt. (If anyone is interested, I will show you how.) I need a worthwhile project to work on when I am home alone.

Today was a good day. I stuck to my diet, and I went to my yoga class. That's right, I have started yoga again. I am still working out on the weights and running on the treadmill for my body, but the yoga is for my head. (It weirds me out sometimes and I need a little respite from myself!)

I even quit work early today and just left. I love it that I can do that with the job I have. How lucky is that! But, I am missing my kids and am toying with the idea of driving to Idaho. (Dang! I keep hearing thumping noises and I hate that when I am alone!!!)

I better go. I am freaking myself out.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Happy New Year!

2009 is going to be a great year! New Years Eve was spent playing cards, eating and laughing with the Lawlers. We actually went to bed early knowing we would have a full New Year's Day.

This morning we drove to Pasadena to watch the Rose Parade. It was the first time for both Jim and me and we really enjoyed it! It is amazing to see all the beautiful flowers on the floats, cars, motorcycles and everything else! Sooooo pretty! We spent the afternoon at Robbie's brother and sister-in-laws house and had a great time; really wonderful people, not to mention the good food and absolutely amazing house. Anyway, we hope everyone has a safe and happy new year and we will see everyone when we get home on Saturday.